


Five times Spock cockblocked Jim and the one time Jim cockblocked them both

by CheyanneChika



Category: Star Trek, Star Trek: Alternate Original Series (Movies)
Genre: 5+1 Things, Bones is So Done, Cockblock by Spock (Star Trek), Cockblocking, F/M, Jealous Spock (Star Trek), Jealousy, M/M, Oblivious James T. Kirk, Poor OCs suffer from Spock's plans to cockblock Jim, Pre-Slash, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-22
Updated: 2018-04-22
Packaged: 2019-04-26 02:35:10
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,558
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14392422
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CheyanneChika/pseuds/CheyanneChika
Summary: Spock is cockblocking Jim and Jim doesn't know why, but he's going to find out.





	Five times Spock cockblocked Jim and the one time Jim cockblocked them both

**Author's Note:**

  * For [evitably](https://archiveofourown.org/users/evitably/gifts).



> This was started because cockblock by Spock just rolls off the tongue.

1)

“You’ve saved our planet and helped us defeat those rebels, Captain.  Are you sure there is nothing we can do to reward your service?”

Jim didn’t miss the way the planetary princess did not include the rest of his crew.  After all, it had been Spock who had actually rescued her and her younger brother when they were captured as leverage against their parents.

And she did have a lovely smile, other lovely physical attributes too.  Her personality, on the other hand...

Before Jim could politely decline, or maybe go with it because, hey, it wasn’t like he was coming back here any time soon, Spock stepped in.  “Our apologies, your highness, but I’m afraid we’re being recalled to the Enterprise.  Please extend our goodbyes to the rest of your family.”

The princess, Jim honestly couldn’t remember her name, stiffened but nodded regally and turned away, joining her royal guard as they surrounded her.

“I can take care of myself, Spock.”

Spock nodded evenly.  “Of course, Captain.”

Jim sighed. “Five to beam up, Scotty.”

2)

Jim had a very pretty betazoid with dark hair and green eyes in his sights when Spock appeared, seemingly out of thin air and said, “Captain, you are required in Engineering.”

Jim heaved a put-upon sigh and looked away from the smiling assistant to…the ambassador? The ambassador’s husband? Did it matter? “Whatever it is, I’m sure Scotty can handle it.”

“He requested you specifically.  I suspect there may be trouble if you do not immediately see to the situation.”

Jim chucked the woman under her chin.  She wasn’t really looking at him now, she was eying Spock with a knowing look that Jim didn’t understand.

“I’ll see you around.”  He stepped away and followed Spock to a turbolift.  He went down to Engineering alone, Spock going to the Bridge, presumably.

“Captain! You’re just in time, I was about to test out…” Scotty started rambling about something that went completely over Jim’s head, but the minor explosion the “test” caused was certainly a bit of fun. 

“Well, I'm glad you called me down here,” Jim said, smiling even as he removed globs of fire suppressant from his uniform.

Scotty tipped his head to the side.  “I didna call you down here.”

Jim frowned but put it out of his head.

3)

Jim Kirk was drunk. 

He was drunk as a skunk. 

He was drunk and there was a pretty boy at the bar next to him with dark eyes and an expression that waffled between stern disapproval, probably about how drunk Jim was, and playful when Jim gave him compliments.

He was mechanic and had been fascinated when Jim had told him about the car he’d “borrowed” as a kid and then horrified when he finished the story of driving it off a cliff.  He hadn’t imbibed nearly as much as Jim, but he seemed willing to drag the Starfleet captain back to his place for the night.

Jim had no sooner thrown an arm around the guy when Spock appeared out of nowhere, yet again, and took the other arm, and then the rest of him.

“Spoooooooock,” Jim slurred. 

“We are shipping out in less than twelve hours,” Spock retorted.  “Please excuse us,” he continued, addressing Jim’s new friend.

From this angle, Jim couldn’t see Spock’s face, but the guy, he’d said his name…Ben, maybe? Ben had had a weird look on his face.  Jim couldn’t tell if it was jealousy or resignation.  Probably the latter as Jim was clearly no longer going home with him.  Besides, he couldn’t be jealous.  It was Spock.  Spock wasn’t gonna sleep with him.

Never.

Never ever.

No way.

So why did he keep stopping Jim from getting laid?  It had been ages. Ages and ages.

Jim grimaced, trying to think clearly.

No dice.  He was half-asleep by the time Spock got him out of the bar and into an aircab.

“You hav’ta stop,” Jim said, determinedly, fighting threw the haze of alcohol.

“Stop what, Captain?”

“Cckblckin’ me,” he mumbled.

“I’m sorry?” Spock asked, and Jim could _hear_ the confused frown.

Jim opened his mouth to reply, but it was too late and he passed out, head falling forward into Spock’s lap.

4)

It was another pretty female alien on another random planet who wanted to thank Jim for everything he’d done.

Jim didn’t get to say anything before he heard Spock say softly, “Four to beam up,” into his communicator and they were phasing out of existence and back to ship.

“Goddammit, Spock, I was in the middle of a conversation.”

“Forgive me, I didn’t realize she was not done thanking you.”

Jim’s eyes narrowed at Spock’s impassive face.  There, the tiniest hint of green at the tips of Spock’s pointed ears.

Jim knew the game now.  He didn’t know _why_ Spock was cockblocking him, but he was going to find out.

“I’m going to sickbay to get checked out,” Jim said lightly.  He turned away and caught the brief expression of shock on Scotty’s face upon Jim’s willingness to go to the sickbay for any reason other than annoying Bones.

One turbolift ride later, Jim entered the sickbay with a nod to Chapel.  “Bones in his office?”

“He is, Captain. Is anything the matter?”

Jim smiled as casually as he could.  “I just got back from a rather intense mission. Am I not allowed to get checked out?”

Chapel stared at him.  His smile widened, and he headed to Bones’s office.

“Did you hit your head?” Bones asked.

“Can’t I just be worried about my health?”

“No, Jim, you can’t because you never are.” The door slid shut and Bones was on him with a scanner.  “Your head is fine.  What the hell’s the matter with you?”

“What do you mean?”

“You came down here on your own.  Scotty commed me, he was so panicked.  The commander is apparently making faces that also make Scotty nervous.”

Jim smirked.  “Well, that is part of the plan.”

Bones side-eyed him.  “What plan?”

The smirk turned into an all-out evil grin.  “Wanna help me mess with Spock?”

Bones’s eyebrows shot up.  “Sure.”

5)

Bones was less than pleased with “The Plan” but he’d already agreed to go along with it and besides, he was pretty sure he knew why Spock was cockblocking Jim, intentionally or otherwise.

What he was not looking forward to was having to keep Spock occupied long enough for Jim to find someone in a bar to try to pick up until Spock tried to intervene.

Jim had gotten Spock to come along because he claimed that he was having such a hard time meeting anyone that he now needed two wingmen.  Spock had argued this up until the moment they were on shore leave, at which point, he continued to argue, but it was with Jim dragging him bodily off the ship while he did it.

Bones watched as he followed behind them and got the confirmation he was looking for.

Spock was absolutely jealous.

…

The bar was a raucous one.  Jim sat with them at a tall table long enough to get orders from Bones and Spock and then went to the bar rather than wait for staff.  He brought back two drinks, whiskey for Bones and a cocktail for Spock, who pointedly said, “I believe I requested water, not this white substance with a pineapple on the rim.”

“It’s a pina colada, Spock, live a little!” Jim retorted.  “Be right back.”

Spock clearly had no intention of tasting the concoction and Bones was more than satisfied with his drink.  They watched Jim disappear in the crowd and not come back. 

“Why am I here?” Spock asked Bones.

“You’re a rational being, figure it out,” Bones retorted.

“Humans are irrational, therefore any rational thought that would equate to my presence is unlikely to be the truth.”

“What’s an irrational reason then?” Bones savored the drink.  It was top shelf and one of his stipulations for joining this venture.

“Captain Kirk believes my being here will help him find a significant other for the evening.”

Bones rolled his eyes.  “That is exactly what Jim said, just put through a Vulcan brain.  You already don’t think that’s the reason.  So what is the reason?”

Spock’s face didn’t change, though Bones suspected a million possibilities were being proposed and rejected in that giant brain of his.

“I do not know,” Spock said, at last.

Bones huffed out an irritated sigh. “Look, Jim isn’t exactly a complicated guy.  Why would he want you, of all beings, to be here while he’s trying to pull?”

“Pull?”

Another sigh.  “Find someone to sleep with for the night.”

Spock’s eyebrow twitched, and his frown deepened.  “If you are implying that Kirk is trying to upset me by indulging in coitus—”

Bones choked on his whiskey.  “Oh god, do not say that out loud.”

“That is not the reason, then.”

“No.  No, he is not trying to upset you.”  Bones scrubbed at his face and looked at the ceiling for a moment.  He was starting to cave.  This was a stupid plan and it would only end badly.  “Spock—”

At that moment, Jim reappeared.  On his arm was a slim humanoid female with purple skin and yellow, catlike eyes.  She had a heavily tooled leather jacket resting over her shoulders and an amused expression on her face.  “Guys, this is Triana.  We’re gonna get out of here.”

“That didn’t take long,” Bones muttered.

“Captain, I must protest—”

“Protest what, Spock?” Jim shot back, voice already rising.  “You know, you keep doing this and I wanna know why.”

Spock glanced at Bones with a raised brow.  Bones ignored all three of them, pointedly staring at his drink.  “I’m afraid I don’t know—”

“Bullshit, Spock.  Bull. Shit.  Why do you care if I sleep with people?”

“I do not.”

“Yes, you do!” Jim was nearly shouting now, not that anyone but those at the nearest tables had really noticed.

Spock was standing now, glaring at Jim like a Vulcan, as in, he wasn’t making any sort of expression, but Jim _knew_ he was glaring.

Before anything else could happen, a furious voice cut across the whole of the bar.  “What the fuck are you doing?!” Everyone looked around at the man who had spoken.  He was clearly the same species as Jim’s new friend and, from the look on her face, they had lingered too long.  She immediately detatched herself from Jim and caught him by the hand while he was still ten feet away.  She looked back and mouthed “I’m sorry, go!”

Jim looked at the man very nearly smoking with rage, even as he pulled away from the girl and started for them.

“Captain, Dr. McCoy, I think we should leave,” Spock said.

“Uh, yeah.”

They bolted.

+1)

“This has to stop.”

Spock knew Jim had joined him the rec room on the ship, where he’d been sitting quietly, staring out the window at Earth.  They had retreated to the ship a couple of hours ago and, while Jim was still wearing civilian garb, Spock was once more dressed for duty.  Jim briefly wondered if Spock had actually changed out of his uniform or simply covered it for the evening with a jacket.  It was entirely possible.  Jim hadn’t seen Spock remove his coat.

“We are literally stopped.  The Enterprise is docked.”

Jim glowered and sat at the 3D chess table, pointing at the chair opposite until Spock took it. “I don’t mean the ship.”  He started placing pieces for the game.  “I mean you trying to stop me from having fun.”

“I am not attempting—”

“—to stop me, yeah yeah.  Except that you are.  I wouldn’t have said yes to a couple of them, but you just keep pulling me away before I can say anything.  I’m allowed to be with whoever I want.”

“That is correct,” Spock replied blandly.

“So why are you stopping me?” He made the first move on the board.

“I am not—”

“You are.”

Spock was silent for a very long moment.  “I am,” he said, at last, and countered Jim’s move.

“Why?” Jim asked, countering Spock’s counter.

Spock was silent, using Jim’s distraction with counters to take one of his pieces now that it was unprotected.

Jim cursed and changed tactics.

Spock adjusted easily.  Finally he said, “I do not believe your involvement with these people will be satisfying for you.”

Jim’s eyes moved from the board to Spock’s, trying to read him.  “That’s not your call to make.”

“I am aware.”

“But you’re still trying.  Enlighten me of your reasons.”  Jim was smiling now, remembering their first discussion.

“You have not seemed overly cheerful in the past when returning from coitus with—”

“Spock!” Jim snapped, dropping the piece he was holding back onto the board to fall off and hit the table with a smack.

“You and Dr. McCoy seem to have issues with that word,” Spock murmured.

“Sex, Spock, just say sex. And besides, how do you know my mood is bad because I’m unhappy about…that.”

Spock’s silence spoke volumes.

“Right, well.” Jim stood and tipped over his king, ceding the game.  “I’d like, in the future, that you don’t interfere unless you’re planning to replace them.”  He turned to leave.

“Would you be amenable to that?”

Jim stiffened and blinked slowly.  He didn’t turn around.  “Are you offering?” Because no.  No. He’d had this conversation with himself before.  Spock was off-limits.  Totally off-limits.

Even if Spock wanted it too.

“I am.”

Those two words brought Jim around with a jerk.  He stared at Spock, who was busily looking at the tipped king.

“It’s against regs,” Jim countered.

“I am aware,” Spock replied.  “I find myself not caring.”

Jim licked his lips.  “Bones is going to figure it out.”

“I do not believe he will report us.”

“Look at me,” Jim ordered and Spock looked up.

“This can’t change our behavior on the Bridge or on missions or anywhere in public.”

One solitary eyebrow rose.

Jim’s shoulders sagged and a self-deprecating smile touched his lips.  “That’s more a reminder to myself.”  He reached out a hand and brushed their fingers together.  Spock’s fingers flexed under the touch and green tinted his cheeks.

“Come to my quarters with me?”

Spock was very still for a moment, and then he said, “Yes, Captain.”

No. No no no no _no._ That is not what he wanted.  Hell, why had he even asked that? He liked Spock.  Fuckbuddies, a replacement for one night stands, no.  That wouldn’t work.  He’d seen enough movies to know where that would end; lots of hurt feelings, friends taking sides and they’d probably end up together anyway.

“On second thought,” Jim said, making Spock freeze, “let’s go on a date.  Tomorrow night. Since we’ve got four days of shore leave, you can’t say that we won’t have any time to recover.”

Spock silently considered this and then nodded. “That is agreeable, Captain.”

“Jim.”

“Jim?”

“Yes.  If we’re gonna do this, you can’t be calling me captain while we do it.”

“Very well…Jim.”

Jim smiled and reseated himself, putting his king back in it’s original place.  “Shall we start again?”

Spock watched him already setting the board up for a fresh game.  “If you insist.”

The end.

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks for reading!!!!! This is my first time writing Spirk so let me know what you think!


End file.
